November 2009
4 posts
Chapter Four
You can’t just come out and accuse someone of having been bitten by a zombie. That’s just not good manners, probably. Sure – there are no definitive guides on how you’re supposed to be about this stuff, but I feel like if you’re gonna have to let someone know that they have precious few hours before they become one of the undead, you should do it with a little tact. Some...
Chapter Three
What I’m about to tell you is embarrassing. But I’m going to tell you anyway, because at this point I feel like we’re friends, or at least getting to be friends. Or at least, you possibly like me, or are slightly interested in how things turn out for me. You’re still listening, which has to count for something. So I’m going to tell you this embarrassing thing and...
Chapter Two
I have a great idea for a business, I think. Zombie corpse removal. I know — I’m a genius, right? That niche opened up and I saw it straight away. Because let me tell you this: nobody wants to clean up anything they’ve just killed. Unless they’re a hunter or Sarah Palin or something.
(Incidentally, I’d like to tell you that Palin was one of the first to go; that she...
Chapter One
The fire alarm is at once the greatest and worst of human inventions. I contend that for every human life saved by their shrill siren, there are thousands inconvenienced by a trigger-happy red bell reacting to a burning piece of toast, errant candle, or low battery. And don’t even get me started on fire drills.
When I was in college and living in a dorm, there were weekly (weekly!) fire...